finality
I do not like finality. When presented with two options where choosing one closes the door on the other forever, I will never choose the one. I hate endings . I hate forever. I will dilly dally over doing something if doing it is an ending or represents the close of a chapter. I was really sad when I crossed over to ss1 from jss3, it was an ending but when I said “I miss wearing shorts” my friends chided me for wishing for a lesser option . In a way, everything I have ever done in life is because I fear endings. Endings are not good for me. What if I need something but because it has ended I can’t have it. What if the door I just closed is the door I should walk into. What if I have to go back to the past to pick up something but I can’t because the past is no more. Even so I always retain vestiges from the past: a picture here, a WhatsApp chat here, a draft in my mails, something anything to hold onto in order to keep a particular door open a bit longer, just a bit longer. Maybe instead of dreading endings, I should try to make the present the best possible present and when it comes to endings I should close it with love and a certain fondness but still close if firmly and move on to other things